Wanting

There is no point wanting what you can’t have.

I want to live in a quiet area with the person I love, in a humble house, play guitar, make video games, work on my singing, dance tango, learn to do handstands, every sort of art, think about the world, read books on mathematics and physics, solve puzzles, problems…

That’s expensive.

If I live my whole life chasing that dream, I’m not living my life.

So I think the right attitude is to want the opportunity in front of you. Maybe I’d be better off doing machine learning, and an opportunity to do block chain is in front of me. Maybe I’d be better off living on a farm and studying art, but I’m here in the US, on a work visa that allows and forces me to work in software, and that’s the opportunity I have.

There is something to love about seeing the problem, or challenge – opportunity – in front of you and attacking it. Instead of thinking there is a different challenge better suited for you.

I respect humility, and I respect peace; a life of meditation, humble growth, service, and love.

But that’s not what it takes to attack the problem that’s in front of me. It takes a different character, and that is what can rise to the opportunity that I do have, rather than what I wish I had. So as I adapt, instead of cultivating the peace of mind I looked to cultivate doing art, I study a different part of my mind, one less peaceful and more ambitious – impatient, incessant, daring, passionate, fearless.

Though deep inside, dormant, at times forgotten, has to rest a truer form; one searching peace and simplicity.

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