There is no point wanting what you can’t have.

I want to live in a quiet area with the person I love, in a humble house, play guitar, make video games, work on my singing, dance tango, learn to do handstands, every sort of art, think about the world, read books on mathematics and physics, solve puzzles, problems…

That’s expensive.

If I live my whole life chasing that dream, I’m not living my life.

So I think the right attitude is to want the opportunity in front of you. Maybe I’d be better off doing machine learning, and an opportunity to do block chain is in front of me. Maybe I’d be better off living on a farm and studying art, but I’m here in the US, on a work visa that allows and forces me to work in software, and that’s the opportunity I have.

There is something to love about seeing the problem, or challenge – opportunity – in front of you and attacking it. Instead of thinking there is a different challenge better suited for you.

I respect humility, and I respect peace; a life of meditation, humble growth, service, and love.

But that’s not what it takes to attack the problem that’s in front of me. It takes a different character, and that is what can rise to the opportunity that I do have, rather than what I wish I had. So as I adapt, instead of cultivating the peace of mind I looked to cultivate doing art, I study a different part of my mind, one less peaceful and more ambitious – impatient, incessant, daring, passionate, fearless.

Though deep inside, dormant, at times forgotten, has to rest a truer form; one searching peace and simplicity.


Saturation 2

I want to lead a daring, colorful life.

Achievement, experiment, excitement, major milestone, major milestone, life changing revelation, epic place of dreams I’ve never been to, invention, overcoming challenge. You scroll through my facebook feed and it’s just like holy fuck how does anyone live like this.

But every day can’t be achievement, or life changing revelation.

There is a pace to the exceptional, and if it happens daily, it’s not exceptional. If I go to the Philippines once it’s exciting, what a man of mystery. But if I’m just living there it’s same old, might as well be gray and not extravagant sunset orange skies, milky white sand dunes, and emerald green crystal ocean.

To me, the every day would be great. But for someone who found out I live in the Philippines once, seeing great weather day picture #247 is the same as just seeing the first few.

Having every day be filled with excitement and reaching milestones is not a real thing to want. It’s just impatience, and insatiable hunger that leads nowhere. It’s a distraction from the flow of excellence, of striving to learn, and doing your best. It’s a goal, not a way of life, an addiction, not a path.

However, there has to be a way to organize life such that it is filled with novelty and overcoming great challenges. Finding new kinds of challenges, learning every day, planting new seeds that take years to grow. And eventually it will come time to reap them all; and maybe life then can be like holy fuck how does anyone live like this.